Tuesday, August 26, 2008

INCREASE YOUR PENIS SIZE, BECOME A SHERIFF! PROVEN RESULTS!!!

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WHY SETTLE FOR FOR AN INCREASE OF MERE INCHES when you can be trained to BE A COMPLETE DICK THAT STANDS SIX FEET TALL!!!

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I don't know about everyone else out there... I've experienced cool police officers, and cool highway patrol officers, but any time I've been pulled over for even a minor fix it ticket by a sheriff, the amount of aggressive attitude used by the sheriff heavily out weighs any necessity for it.
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Yesterday was no exception. Complete dick from the get go. After a certain point the sheriff's attitude really started to irritate me. Seeing my mood shift, he proceeded to ask,
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"Are you under the influence of anything?"
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How do you tell a sheriff, "Yes, I'm under the influence of a big prick in my face and I'm not enjoying it at all!"?
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I chose my words differently, "To be honest sheriff, the tone you've been using with me has gotten under my skin."
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He looked at me in a way that required further explanation. I paused briefly to find the words to say what I was trying to say, without literally saying it, "Well," I said, "You're a masculine dude."
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His eyebrows perked and his head proudly cocked up as if he'd just been payed a compliment. And with that he said, "You can go."
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4 comments:

Quiver said...

I had a friend who wanted to work for the FBI so he started as a LA county sheriff. Everyone starts by working in the jails. He was lead to believe he'd be out on the street in a year or so. Four years later he was still stuck in the county jails, his perspective on life had done a 180 (to the negative) and his attitude towards all others had gone to $h!t. He's no longer a LA sheriff's deputy (and no longer my friend cause of his new attitude.)
So maybe all the Sherifs you've delt with just havn't gotten their "jail time" off thier chests.

R.T. said...

quiver,

sincere thanks for sharing your experience and bringing to light a cause for the inflated sheriff's chest condition! sorry it led to a lost friendship for you.

they're definitely out of hand. the time i got stopped by a sheriff prior to yesterday, was for a crack in one of the red plastic covers of my car's tail light. the next thing you know he asks to search my car for drugs. when i said "no, i don't have any drugs", he eyeballed my interior, spotted a pair of scissors, and asked if i had, "any other lethal weapons in the car?" he then called in back up, ordered me out of the car with the threat that if i made any sudden moves i'd get his mag light to the top of my head, frisked me, sat me on the curb, and tore through my car.

of course he didn't find what he wanted to find, and all said and done it took an hour and a half for him to finally let me go for the cause he was able to stop me for in the first place... a fix it ticket.

note to all: BEWARE of the sheriffs that frequent P.C.H. and Warner on the border of Huntington Beach and Sunset Beach. the ones that drive the SUV in particular.

Dr. Robert said...

you are correct..

sheriffs patrol their "home turf" on a daily basis.. typically outside or beyond the purview of local police people,highway patrol etc ..as such they are quite territorial and do take any transgression, real or perceived, personally...
not to mention the moral and professional outrage that comes with the thought that someone would even dare to mess with em'.

I don't mess with sheriffs..

as a matter of fact,I don't mess with anybody who's packing heat, and I particularly don't mess with anybody who not only is packing heat..but has a fucking license to do so..and has a badge on top of that.

so, in that light..your little quip about the dudes' "masculinity" was really quite bold..and could have gone way the other direction ..

anyway, thanks for the reminder and story..and glad you're not making new friends.. in the slammer.

R.T. said...

thanks for the wise words and the note on sheriff territoriality, Dr. Robert. glad the situation didn't escalate for the worse, too.