TIME TO GET THE CROPS IN THE GROUND

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Moving into Spring it's time to get a jump start on the gardening. Here's a simple how to for the urban beach head:
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1. Comb the beach shell litter line for seeds, otherwise known as Nerdles.
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2. Collect Nerdles to your heart's desire.
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3. Find a patch of sand with bubble holes below high tide line.
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4. Plant one Nerdle per hole.
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5. Wait for high tide to rise over planted sand patch and return after tide has fallen. Nerdles will have sprouted into straws.
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6. Harvest and wrap straws in paper sleeves and store in glove box for future trips to your local corporate juice bar chain, ice coffee slinger, or slurpy outlet.
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A note about Nerdles: While growing up as a grom spending the whole day at the beach, laying around in the sand between sessions, many a Nerdle was found, popped into the mouth and chewed on while pondering the mystery of where the Nerdle came from. They were chewed to pass the time away until flattened out into really thin patties that couldn't get any more wafer thin, then spit out. I've heard many an explanation over the years of where Nerdles actually come from. From... God given grom-mana from heaven, hacky sack innards, and Barbie doll poops, to the squished remains of little spherical plastic balls used by the thousands to facilitate the easier moving of shipping containers across the decks of freighters. But of all the explanations, the only thing I've ever seen living proof of is their sprouting into straws when planted correctly.
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