Monday, March 17, 2008

TIME TO GET THE CROPS IN THE GROUND

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Moving into Spring it's time to get a jump start on the gardening. Here's a simple how to for the urban beach head:
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1. Comb the beach shell litter line for seeds, otherwise known as Nerdles.
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2. Collect Nerdles to your heart's desire.
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3. Find a patch of sand with bubble holes below high tide line.
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4. Plant one Nerdle per hole.
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5. Wait for high tide to rise over planted sand patch and return after tide has fallen. Nerdles will have sprouted into straws.
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6. Harvest and wrap straws in paper sleeves and store in glove box for future trips to your local corporate juice bar chain, ice coffee slinger, or slurpy outlet.
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A note about Nerdles: While growing up as a grom spending the whole day at the beach, laying around in the sand between sessions, many a Nerdle was found, popped into the mouth and chewed on while pondering the mystery of where the Nerdle came from. They were chewed to pass the time away until flattened out into really thin patties that couldn't get any more wafer thin, then spit out. I've heard many an explanation over the years of where Nerdles actually come from. From... God given grom-mana from heaven, hacky sack innards, and Barbie doll poops, to the squished remains of little spherical plastic balls used by the thousands to facilitate the easier moving of shipping containers across the decks of freighters. But of all the explanations, the only thing I've ever seen living proof of is their sprouting into straws when planted correctly.
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17 comments:

resintint said...

Always wondered about the mystery of the Nerdle...
Paul Weller sings about its UK cousin on a tune
called Broken Stones. Not as colourful as your
version though.
Gonna start plantin' this weekend man!!

pranaglider said...

Nice piece this morning! Thanks.

warm jet said...

You are insane.

R.T. said...

resintint, i'm down with weller, but can't place that song off the top of my head. i'll look around for it. thanks for tip.

thanks, prana. my pleasure.

taken as a compliment in the highest order, jet. thanks.

did any of you use nerdles as grom-chew as well? just wondering how widesread that use of them might have been through different grom circles.

kaser_one said...

i read this for the 1st time this morning at about 5a.m., scratched my ass, then again tonight cause i thought I was hallucinating earlier and had to double check, and my itch moved to my lower back.

twinfin said...

nerdles = nuggets?

R.T. said...

k1/yoda,
that's not your lower back, your butt is growing. at this rate your own ass is gonna swallow you whole by dark o'clock tomorrow morning.

Anonymous said...

That's hilarious. Growing up in CdM, we used to call them Surfer Pills...

j.smart films... said...

Thank you for the comedy. We always called them "juju-bee's." I like Nerdles. Like the candy! Just a bunch o'Nerds. Be well. js

j.smart films... said...

And yes I definitely chewed them in the same order as noted. "Hermosa-style" followed that "once flattened, one must try to see if one could wedge the now thin piece of plastic matter between one's front two teeth." Bleeding of the gums usually followed. Insane...? But of course!!! Talk soon via brain wave scrambler.

R.T. said...

twin, not to be confused with the one and only riv nug.

anon, from what i've heard, in your nieghboring town of newps, rather than groms popping nerdles into the mouth as pills, it was more popular to jam the straws up their noses to snort sand.

jsmart, juju-bees is a great name. love hearing about the teeth wedging! your mentioning that is jogging some familiarity in my own memory, but it's foggy enough that i can't be positive— i might just be globbing on to your memory because i like it.

J.P. said...

classic.

Patch said...

This would make a great stop action piece. Thanks!

Erik Hakon Olson said...

Fantastic story telling.

R.T. said...

thanks, j.p. & e.h.o.

patch, i've been thinking about making a short film about Nerdles for a while now. one out of the many scenes that has been worked up in my head is an animated barbie doll poopin' some nerdles of the side of a boat while a ken doll is fishing. your stop motion thought is spot on!

Chad said...

Nurdle Nerd or Nurdle Nerds?

R.T. said...

thanks for link chad.

on the same note, if interested, check "The Trouble With Nerdles" page 8 of:

http://209.85.173.104/search?q=cache:
7Rc9kHvY8QUJ:www.swrcb.ca.gov/nps/
docs/newsletter/currents2006summer.pdf
+nerdles&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=5&gl
=us&client

downloadable pdf file w/ photos also avail. at top of page 1 from above link.