Thursday, November 20, 2008

BRAINIACS

.
.
Do not do this... It is absolutely no fun.
.
There is nothing modern about a Hull’s design. There is nothing modern and absolutely nothing fun about a streamlined, economic attack, of long sling-shotting bottom turns, screaming high-lines, and rail-buried cuts. Screw Hulls! They suck, especially at beach breaks... as exhibited by the photographs below:
.
.






.
Surfing a Hull requires such strained levels of concentration that all pleasures of effortless/thoughtless flow are completely absent from the experience. Truly, it’s like choosing an antiquated slide rule over a technologically advanced supercomputer. It's more akin to dealing with the agonizing, frustrating, defeat of spending a futile life’s work attempting to prove a flawed mathematical theory, than it is to the tremendous joy attained on the progressive board designs preferred by most who engage in today’s great “sport” of surfing.
.

.
After yet another shitty session on archaic slipstick of choice, the anonymous, crazed Brainiac in photograph above, tells 'fun' to… “Go burn in Hell!”
.
But, a bit of FAIR WARNING to all those that insist on ridiculing the act of having no fun without experiencing for themselves just how liberating no fun can be:

PEAKS WILL BE SPLIT WITH CHIVALRY, BUT SHOULDER SCRATCHERS WILL BE UNQUESTIONABLY PULVERIZED FROM THE LINEUP...

.

.
.
...AND KEEP AN EYE ON YOUR WOMEN.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
Shots 1, 3, 4, 7-13 by Daily Bread
Shot 2 by Matt Lyons
Shots 5 & 6 by Graham Day
.
More Skhull-less-ness as interpreted by Patchie
.
.
.
.

17 comments:

kaser_one said...

hhhhaaaaaaaahaha....nice one RT. Love the brain poking outa the tube in the wj seq.

Anonymous said...

they only work at malibu.

pranaglider said...

Great stuff RT!

I can only add, that yes they don't work!

warm jet said...

Damn funny chit!
burn baby....BURN!!!!
CJ say retro bad!!
beware of fun....beVARE!!!!

Q.peeps said...

best blog post ever? ever.

brownfish said...

I've still yet to ride one, despite going over the design for the last few years. Part of me says, "Thats just stoopid, looks like no fun at," but another part of me understands some feelings that you get in surfing, though as stoopid as they seem, are just not explainable

twinfin said...

hulls are for creeps...

warm jet said...

creeps love hulls.

resintint said...

Don't they only work for goofy footers on left point breaks after you flip the image? Looks super fun though..!$#!&*!?

Erik Hakon Olson said...

The "Go burn in hell!" shot is cracking me up.

You should make shirts of your "This is Your Brain on a Hull at a Beach Break" drawing.

R.T. said...

Twin & Jet,
always stoked to smoke the creeps out of the wood work! like Jet said, "burn baby....BURN!!!!" exorcise the surf-demons from our minds!

thanks, K-1/Barrel Yoda. and big thanks for your contributing photographs!

Anon, it's not that they "only work at malibu", it's that they're only FUN at malibu. that's what you meant to say, right? here at the beach breaks hulls are not ridden for fun, they are ridden for penance.

I totally agree with you, Prana! just look at how hard the boards are bogging in all the photos! pieces of crap!!!

Thanks Tons, Q.peeps!!! stoked you liked the post, cuz i had absolutely no fun putting it together!

Brownfish,
good to hear from ya. embrace the part of you that says, "Thats just stoopid, looks like no fun...". then just go ahead and try one with nothing to lose. by the way, i was recently stoked to see someone riding one of your shapes all the way up here in the badland beachies.

exactly, Fsacto... !$#!&*!? ...you're speaking my language!$#!!!

thanks, E.H.O! glad to have you laughing. no plans for t's, but i'll be making some prints soon for anyone that wants one. hellort@gmail.com for correspondence.

Surfy Surfy! said...

Epic photochops. Lazer brains!!!

R.T. said...

gracias, J.P... when not surfing, they're nuthin' but lazy brains!

mulletman said...

Gotta love that seventies vibe of the single fins,such a more groovin' time.Thanks for keepin' it alive!

Miles said...

hulls are gay

Mick said...

Epic post mate... you're a case. My big wish is if they made them down here as I reckon they're just made for Winki and Bells.... and a few other spots I have in mind.

R.T. said...

thanks heaps, Mick. speaking of those areas... seems like i spent just about the whole of last summer watching Witzig's "Evolution" during my pre-dawnie coffee & stretching routine. those Wayne Lynch cross-to-switch bottom turns are of constant inspiration.